


Fault

by noero



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Ambiguous Relationships, Angst, Comfort Sex, Implied (established) Levi/Erwin, Infidelity (sorta?), M/M, Spoilers up to manga chapter 51, bottomErwin, very slight Eren/Erwin/Levi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-15
Updated: 2014-06-15
Packaged: 2018-02-04 17:50:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1787764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noero/pseuds/noero
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eren's mouth falls open for a moment, his words lost somewhere in the space between his chest and his tongue.  His eyes drop to Erwin's lips for only a moment and his stomach twists.  He doesn't know what he's doing.  He doesn't know why.</p><p>Eren/Erwin (in that order)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fault

**Author's Note:**

> This... is not what I meant to write.
> 
> Inspired by this lovely anon prompt - http://snkkink.dreamwidth.org/8414.html?thread=8004318

Guilt is a heavy burden.

No one talks about what happened beyond the walls but Eren saw enough to know. The memories of the trek home come back to him in flashes. Severed limbs. Bloody jackets. Bloody faces. Soldiers. Survey Corps. Military Police. Garrison. Hannes. And it's all on him. He missed his chance. He hesitated. He could have stopped this. 

They came for _him_.

Eren knows what happened to the Commander. Armin explained that much to him - a low hushed whisper at bedside during the night, and something held back. Mikasa, at his other side, stays quiet. She doesn't want Eren to know anything. She protects him from the world and protects him from the truth. It might be what he needs, after all, and he is unable to do anything for her.

This is all Eren's fault.

He tries not to think about it. It's easiest to be distracted and everyone else returns normal around him. Eren cleans the dingy farmhouse amid jokes and laughter. Nothing is okay. He still misses them, too.

And when Levi returns to their new home, he is angry with Eren. He tries to hide it. He tries to bury it wherever it is he buries everything else, but Eren can sense it. He sees it in the deeper crease on his brow, the sharper line of his lips, and the darkness of his eyes. In only a few months Eren has learned to read the minute changes in Levi's face and understand when his mood shifts. No one else believes him, but he sees. He knows that Levi is upset and no amount of extra effort spent mopping the floors will fix it this time.

And then Hange is scared, and that scares Eren. So they sit and wait. And wait.

The time passes like that. It's always tense and always slow, the days and nights dragging by. A week after Levi returns, Commander Erwin stops by to check on them to evaluate and observe. Eren hears whispers that Erwin didn't approve Levi's selections this time around. And Levi does not appear happy about his being there.

In the evening, dinner is quiet with even Sasha and Connie on their best behavior. Eren quietly offers to help the Commander prepare for bed when Levi leaves the table abruptly with no goodbye and no acknowledgement. Perhaps Eren is not the one Levi is angry with, after all. 

The Commander insists that he is fine, gentle smile and soft eyes, but Eren's eyes unconsciously keep drifting to his right sleeve, tied off and hanging along his waist. It has only been a couple weeks but he looks so much thinner, with his cheeks sunk in, and his skin paler. Eren can see fresh marks on his face where he cut himself shaving, his hair unevenly trimmed. He was trying to clean himself up. For something. 

For someone. 

Eren insists. He won't let this go. His chest hurts as he follows the Commander to the guest quarters he and Armin helped prepare. It is not much - probably sparser than his hospital room had been - but Eren hopes it is comfortable and maybe a little like home. Though Eren realizes he knows not what Erwin's home is. They gathered some yellow flowers from out back. They tied some curtains on the window. It is, at least, no longer dusty. Levi would like it, had he bothered to look in on it. Eren is just so tired of everyone sacrificing so much for him and he still unable to repay any of them. He wants to make all of this okay. He is such a pathetic symbol of hope.

Eren wordlessly directs his Commander to sit at the edge of the bed and helps him remove his shirt, unclasping the buttons, one by one by one. The room is so quiet, bathed in candlelight, the sunlight long gone with winter on the horizon. Only soft laughter drifts in from the squad's shared room next door. The walls here are so thin. Levi's room on the other side is silent. 

Eren's fingers shake. His heart beats wildly in his chest. He does not understand why. 

Eren stands between the Commander's knees and pushes his shirt off of his shoulders. He's extra careful over the bandaged arm but his hands are moving so slow on both and he still doesn't understand why. There is still blood stained upon the bandages and Eren's fingers brush along his shoulder.

"I can handle it from here," Erwin says, softly. "Thank you, Eren."

Eren's mouth falls open for a moment, his words lost somewhere in the space between his chest and his tongue. His eyes drop to Erwin's lips for only a moment and his stomach twists. He doesn't know what he's doing. He doesn't know why. His hand stays soft on Erwin's shoulder and he bends down. Their lips touch. Eren kisses his Commander. His Commander that protects him but protects him so he can use him. His Commander who has no humanity. His Commander who belongs to someone else. 

His Commander kisses him back.

That kiss is soft and gentle. Chapped lips and dry mouth. It lingers far longer than it should. Eren pulls away with a quiet murmur, soft as leaves rustling in the trees. "I'm sorry, sir." 

These are the first words Eren has uttered to him since being in this room. They are far heavier words than they seem.

"No." Erwin assures. There is nothing to be sorry about. 

This is surely a dismissal, a polite rejection. Eren should leave and take his shaking hands with him, along with his beating heart and his weak knees. But the pads of his fingers continue to trace along the base of his Commander's neck and along the line of his hair and behind his ear.

Eren kisses him again. 

He is not stopped. This time it's harder, wetter, and more aggressive. Eren helps maneuver Erwin backward on the bed, helps him become comfortable on the pillows stacked near the headboard, punctuating his breaths with more and more open mouthed kisses, all growing more intense with the brush of a tongue and the slick graze of teeth. There are no more words, everything spoken in touches of fingertips to skin and mouth to mouth. Heat builds, unfamiliar to Eren, so new, exciting, but not scary.

Eren straddles him once he's comfortable on the mattress. Why he wants to do this so suddenly is reason long lost. All Eren knows is this warmth feels nice below him and Erwin's left arm wrapped tight around his shoulders is comforting and safe. "Should I stop?" Eren asks, lips brushing against his ear.

"You should," he answers, but his hand grips harder at the back of Eren's shirt. He wants Eren to stay.

So Eren trails his mouth down Erwin's neck and across his collarbone. He plants soft kisses on the bandaged arm and Erwin's hand runs down the back of Eren's neck. Eren does not mind seeing his Commander like this, even likes it, enjoys it. He crawls further down and kisses across Erwin's chest. He touches all his scars, old and new, all scars Eren will never know. He tastes his skin, a tongue over a nipple, and his Commander is breathing so heavy, his fingers tangling in Eren's hair. 

The room is becoming hot. Yellow light turns red. Eren's blood boils in his veins. His hands no longer shake as his fingers unclasp the button on Erwin's pants. His mind is no longer hazy as he runs his tongue over expanse of skin between belly button and the waistband of his boxers. Eren is no longer afraid of what will happen to him. To Erwin. Or Levi. 

Eren does not mind if he belongs to these people. He will make it up to everyone. He will do it because it is what he wants. 

Eren carefully removes Erwin's pants, along with his boxers. He kisses down his inner thigh, his calf, his ankle, as he goes. Erwin calls his attention back. Maybe he means to ask Eren to leave, to stop, or any of the other things Eren should be doing. Eren crawls back up and their mouths meet again. His hands grapple in Erwin’s hair and Erwin’s hand traces along Eren’s backside and down the back of his thigh. Eren pulls off his shirt, knees braced on either side of Erwin’s waist. He looks back at Erwin’s face, even more a stranger now than he looked at dinner. Flushed skin and parted lips that Eren never dreamed he’d see on that face. Eren’s own pants follow quickly after, stepping off the bed for a moment. He’s too far in this to think twice now. 

Erwin’s voice leads him to find a bottle of lotion in his bag. Eren crawls back on the bed, a leg thrown back over his waist, but Erwin’s hand catches him and presses downward on his shoulder. Eren rearranges himself between Erwin’s legs. Nervousness melts into excitement. Eren spreads the lotion across his fingers and Erwin raises his knees. Eren slips a finger inside and bites his lip. Erwin reassures him, encourages him, and comforts him with words. Eren still worries he’s not doing this right and he worries that his Commander is still not well enough to be doing this, but he is also inconsiderate.

Eren is fascinated by his Commander, shifting and moving his hips before him, his body draped in a layer of perspiration, and muscles contracting in shadowy light. Eren wraps his fingers around his length, smooth skin and so warm to the touch. Eren’s own erection aches against him. 

Eren pushes his boxers further down his hips. He enters him slowly and cautiously, and he can feel the sweat on his brow as his eyes flutter shut and his mouth falls open. His hands land on Erwin’s stomach, muscles moving under his fingertips and he thrusts carefully and then carelessly. He must be so awful at this but Erwin showers him still with reassuring words, mixed between moans foreign on his tongue. Eren’s hand finds purchase on his length again, now beaded with pre-cum. 

Eren tries to match the rhythm of his hips with his hand. The heat building between them is unexpected and disastrous. This is different than anything Eren imagined and anything Eren ever thought he wanted. He doesn’t remember how he got to this point but he doesn’t much care. In this moment he wants nothing more. He wants his Commander to come for him. Because of him.

Eren is already so close with the heat, that when Erwin comes with a long groan and face slack, Eren follows almost immediately. He whimpers and cries, the sound broken and desperate, while he watches Erwin’s come coat him across his abdomen. Eren rides out his orgasm with soft moans and lingering whines. They stay like that for a moment, Erwin’s hand comes up to squeeze Eren’s shoulder. Neither of them can speak, perhaps, but the touch of hands and fingers to lips tell Eren this doesn’t need to be a bad decision.

He pulls out and arranges himself on Erwin’s left side. They both fall asleep quickly, faint light still dancing on the walls. Eren curls up on Erwin's left side, head cradled in the dip of his shoulder. It's warm, comfortable, and weirdly familiar for reasons Eren is unable to fathom. As Eren drifts off, he worries about his absence in the bedroom he shares with Jean, Armin, and Connie. It's too late, though, and his eyes too heavy to do anything about it.

And it is so warm. 

_________________________________________________________________

Eren is roused sometime later when the room is dark, no more flame in the fire. His mind is fuzzy, Erwin still asleep, breathing softly next to him, nose buried in his hair. A blanket pulled over him. The door creaking open. The order of events is confused in Eren's mind, still half-dreaming. The bed dips. Fingers soft in Eren's hair. Gentle lips to his forehead. Something feels upside down and backward. Eren can't seem to wake up.

His eyes shoot open. He's met with darkness. It feels like it's only been a few minutes, but it must have been much longer. The room is silent. The window is open... when did that happen? 

Eren is still wrapped close to his Commander, right leg hooked around his left, arm tucked tightly about his waist. But something warm is pressed against the back of his hand where it sits beneath Erwin's ribs. Air fans across Eren's shoulder. His eyes adjust to the darkness and the soft moonlight. Eren's breath stirs the head of black hair tucked just under his chin, Levi curled halfway on top of Erwin, head across the center of his chest. Levi's arm is tangled under Eren's, fingers loose around his bicep. Steady breath and the sleeping face Eren is unable to see.

Eren's panic is quelled. 

Guilt is a heavy burden...

**Author's Note:**

> And that is why I shouldn't write porn while listening to Vogel im Kafig.


End file.
